Everything

Everything just give it a fullstop. Maybe it's not to best solution you can ever find, but certainly not the worst. At least you know where and when you need to stop. I'm a person who doesn't like people drinking. Because you're using alcoholic to avoid your problem. Temporary or permanent, it doesn't really matter to me. It's good to see that you have decided what you want to do, who you choose to be with at the end. Maybe I'm the only one who knows you well, but doesn't necessary we should be together. You should pick someone who loves you more than anything else.

I admit I'm selfish interms of handling the relationship but there's other thing for me to take care of. I cannot just decide an important matter just like snapping fingers. It's not good for you or me, and either way it will hurt both of us in future. Yes I might seem to be giving you excuses, telling you alot of this and that, reasons of why I'm not doing this nor that. But I am 100% sure to say that I have never ever intended to separate you and him. I myself hate third party very much, if you still remember my condition. That is why I had never tried to interrupt.

That night, might be a mistake, might be a start for both of us, might be a stupid decision done by myself, but that doesn't matter. Probably we shouldn't even meet at all. If we didn't meet that night, we might be staying as friends like last time. I have never ever thought of hurting you because myself has been hurt for quite a number of times and I know how it feels. Probably I didn't really think about it deeply before I decide and that makes you feel that I decide everything without thinking about you. But as a man I need to sacrifice something in order to get something working. I sacrifice myself so that you and him can be together. I sacrifice myself so that he has another chance, which I think he deserves it after so many years.

Like I said, just give everything a complete fullstop. Don't think about it, don't mention about it. You are not suppose to stay behind, but to move forward. Stop looking back, start to think about your future. Maybe that will make you feel good. Probably the screw up part is good for both of us as well. Cause if that happens, I don't know how this gonna end up like.